I didn't think I would...but as everyone who knows me, writing makes me feel better- I can think out my emotions and thoughts and toss them out the window, rethink them or let everyone else in on them.
Today, one year ago, I delivered the body of my 3rd son, Joshua. He had died in utero approximately 3 days before. We learned of his death (that they approximated was 24-36 hours before) at our 35 week check up on January 29, 2015. We checked in the hospital on January 30th to begin sedation and dialation for my body to respond to over the next 24 hours. Then approximately 10am on January 31st, the last medical procedure was done to prepare my body for labor. Shortly after that, they added Pitocin to my IV at about 12pm. Based on Jaxon's delivery, we figured we were in for the long haul. I was medicated during the procedures the day before because I wanted to be in a fog. Obviously my heart was broken and I wanted no part of what I was now forced to endure. However, the pain medicine that they had been giving me is one that doesn't work after a time and that became true for me.
When I checked in the hospital on 1/30, we agreed that Jason would stay home with Jaxon, and I had several visitors- my sister and brother-in-law, Ryan and Victoria, brother-in-law Matt, close family friend Jennifer, one of my best friends Stacy and close family friends Penny and Sandy. Also, my husband's cousin, Dave stopped by.
My mom had been at the hospital all night with me and Jason was home with Jaxon. I suggested my mom head home too and they both stay there and get some rest because we thought it would be a long day/night. My grandparents were with me, my mother and father-in-law- Carol and Chris were with me and one of my closest family friends, Penny.
I was given once last dose of the medicine with the Pitocin and we quickly realized that it's effects had worn off. Once the Pitocin kicked in, the contractions came on fast and furious. My grandfather, mother-in-law and Penny took turns helping apply pressure to my lower back as we learned that I was in back labor. After approximately 3 hours of intense labor it appeared that tings were progressing much faster than anyone anticipated. Nothing like with Jaxon! My grandma called my mom to update her and Penny left the hospital to go relieve them of Jaxon duty.
They nurse called for an epidural to try to relieve some of my pain in the meantime. During that time- my doctor checked me, realized I was fully dialated and broke my water to relieve some pressure. At that time, Joshua shot down the birth canal so quickly that noone realize how fast the next moments would transpire. Within 5 minutes my bed was broken apart and had been re-formed into the delivery table, the room was filled with doctors quickly dressing in scrubs and I was having a panic attack realizing that I was going to give birth without pain medicatoin and my husband and mother were going to miss it.
Thank God for my mother-in-law and grandparents! Carol was amazing, she kept me calm and focused and helped me breath, my grandparents stood right by my side and held my hand and talked me through it. In 4 pushes, Joshua's head was out and they saw that they would have to cut through the umbilical cord for him to actually fully deliver. And it was tight :(. I had to STOP pushing and allow them to cut. Women talk about the ring of fire during delivery....HOLY SHIT!!! Try holding your breath while the medical team enables you to continue pushing through the ring of fire!! I held my breath and tried not to move for, what felt like an eternity, finally once she cut the cord loose- he flew out and she caught him. My son was here. Well, my son's body was here. He was up in Heaven with his oldest brother, Mason, watching down on us.
Thanks to "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep", a photograpther arrived a short time later and spent quite some time with us taking pictures of Joshua, of us holding him and group shots of the family and friends. That photo album and those pictures are my CHERISHED memories of my boy.
I am sure I will tell more of my story later...
xoxo-Megan
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